Rain - the temporary connection to .....

today i happened to go for a walk after a long gap but the love of rain caught me again....and all i could do was to sit on the floor of the corridor see its raining sometimes heavily and  sometimes "haule haule "
 and i suddenly started typing some words on cell in the "notes" ......

sitting on the floor of the corridor
in front of its raining vigour
thoughts still like trees
started walking (fortunately had umbrella)
drops of imagination trying to fall upon the skull
but the umbrella had the resistance to offer
drops of water destroying apart
but with the satisfaction its life proved worth
grasses , leaves air rediscovering its lost elegance
even the artificial cemented road
humbly thanks the rain
finally weights to bear has fall
she got the courage to dance
to defy her worldly  , shyness ,fears
 spread her arms and accept the warmth
soul has got its transparency back
because its raining because its raining

suddenly the rain stopped
, umbrella folded down and imagination
yes imagination of tomorrow's lab again overshadowed my mind
and made me realize
soul is still deep inside the  abyss.
( guys seriously its not the attempt to write a poem i know i am too bad at it..............)

A New World - Ego is the Ruler, Our Sensations are the follower where innocence and love are only in movies

       

One of my friend celebrated his birthday few days before  had a little late party till 5 am . He gave a surprise party the same night surprising everyone with 15 bottles of bear , 20 packets  cigarettes and freshly prepared "charas  and gaanja dunno exactly "  .They were full on with beer , wine and the non -stop smoking while some even went a step ahead and tried "charas" some tried 1st time . I got to know all this when suddenly a quarrel broke out and loud abusive words woke me up . And this time victim had no right to offend himself because he was beaten up when he was drunk . Which in a college no big case to filed case against.

I once happened to ask one of my colleague what's the pleasure he discovers when he is in the famous state of "going hangover" and  " its ultimate ashish , you lose yourself , you lose your pain , weight and everything you feel is simply ultimate" which I really found so so funny. And when I was in the process of giving a second thought to this wine or beer  I reminded my happiest moments and soon I recollected lots of those and some of them was few hours ago only . And to my surprise I found most of the reasons were simply and nothing and to maximum to the joy of drinking bournvita when I used to offend milk. And there was no wine to the far extent. And what struck to me was if I am already finding so many happy moments when I am conscious then why trying to dig joy even in subconscious state. 

( really sorry for misguiding from the topic but that’s I am , sometime I even don’t know where I am leading and still its not wine affect)

And then I realized something "we always try to fill our empty spaces and materials simply add to our empty spaces " . So what I found after asking so many of my friends actually they started drinking or smoking or any such activities because some other did it. And when they started it was liked by their physical sensation and soon it got stuck to their ego from then its simply ego ruling and sensation following. I am still not offending drinking or sort of but simply drinking to lose sensation and feel the ultimate seems so fake. Its simply cheating ourselves and losing our true-self called innocence. And slowly these habits become ego-balloons making them almost resistant to everything.

This is just one example , likewise there are so so many cases where we are simply trying to do everything or anything which only few do or which gives us fame or so many. And hence igniting so many negative traits  like jealousy , fake to ourselves , negative , egoistic , untrustworthy , losing love , emotionless and lot of those. Amid these all we lose ourselves. We rarely talk to ourselves and try to understand the real need real matter lying inside us.

And I know all those who are in this new world including me will rarely grasp it as I know every word of it will shoot their ego-balloon.

End on this note

Hope that day comes when we do everything we love and love with purest of our innocence. That wont be the state of nirvana but it will be drinking yet loving , trendy yet respecting , competitive   yet no jealousy.

TEJASWEE RAO

I DIDN’T KNOW TILL  FEW HOURS AGO ABOUT , HAD NEVER HEARD ABOUT AND OFCOURSE NEVER SAW YOU.  But in a blink of the moment she has forced me to think upon it not only her but about me , my life and many more.  Of course while I am writing this because I heard some unheard urgency being cited by my intuition and I love to be tamed by  my intuition. 

Tejaswee Rao 19 jan 1991 to 11 aug 2010.          

As I was going through my usual surfing of blogs I came across Tejaswee's mother's  blog (http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/ and from their I managed to land on tejaswee's blog (last post being on 29th july) .     

And just by reading blogs I know many will offend saying " isnt it too early to get inspired"  . My answer will be intuition believes in nanoseconds .

 And the very 1st post (http://blabberblah.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/a-letter-to-the-future/) of her was remarkable revealing all her innocence , truthfulness , rare one of her age to show eagerness awareness towards poor  and vey confident at adopting a daughter will surely make your eyes wet once. And when you do a extra search by seeing the comments by her close ones and her impact on them you will get know what "gold" we have lost. Her charming beautiful face through the instant photographs taken aptly depicts her innocence. And seriously I have rarely came across innocence faces means the moment you see them you feel the brightness in them . And these innocence faces are mostly behind some of the hugest achievement of the mankind.  And seriously she was so loving and lovable as well. 

Hereby I am proud to be going through her blogs and seriously some part of myself( atleast of this moment) must  not be complete without this.  You have inspired me for this moment and my moment makes my life. Thank you

Rest in peace "TEJASWEE RAO"

this had to influence me "atleast to write a post on it"..........

Well my parent  had combined family living in village called mehda sahpur.. My grandfather and his 3 sons and 3 daughter while his brother’s 5 sons and his step brother having 2 sons constituted the family. And now since my father’s birth after 46 years everything has changed and changed so drastically. My  uncle is the 1st doctor from my village and university gold medalist and now a millionaire, my father 1st engineer followed by my younger uncle. While the rest three sisters of my father though not the most intelligent got settled in well lived family. Thanks to the prevailing of dowry system yet.
While to the contrary  sons of mygranpa’s younger brother still struggling , just surviving and even sometimes starving.
3 of them are working under my uncle as workers , the other one had once opened a dress shop but it had to be closed and now he does simply nothing nothing while 1 is still roaming day and night here and there on the little left money of his father to earn money.
Talking about the 1st son of step brother of my grandfather , he has just got married. He is so laborious hardworking , all  day for about 10 hours he teaches at a stretch even on Sunday and still just manage to earn just 3000rs. And his bro

ther has recently left studying and has been undergoing serious mental problems.
the pic above was taken december 2010 , he is my  step uncle( only literally , he is truly like my elder and I have the most respect for  him and I am missing him so much ki I thought write a post now) . His name sanjay pathak and just completed graduation  in village called mehda sahpur.  Whenever I used to go to village to meet him to his house ( their house was made separate and rarely they interact with other grandfathers and all)  he would come to me and ask me ” ashish humko bhi thora english bata dona , kuch bata doge tab na school mein jaake kuch padha bhi sakenge “. And I always used tell whatever little know. I would tell him ” chacha aapko agar acha tution chalana hai to spoken english per dhyaan dijiye , apna pronunciation improve kariye aapko bahut tarakki milega and yahan ke bachho ko bhi ” and I remember last time (this november) when I met him I told him you need to listen to english news or for a beginner as you are  , you should have somebody to teach basic pronunciations  I told why not you call me daily for  half an hour( ofcourse I have to call he cant afford this) and I shall tell you the basics and in few months or you will be master but then at that  time he didn’t have even a cell . And latest story what I heard about him was that he got married to unknown.
Well its so strange na these three groups lived in the same home , same family but now in three words. Sometimes when I see myself and my uncle so spending so much on us it feels so much ashamed off. Well sanjay chacha and hhis brother dhananjay chacha are my uncle’s and father’s brother only but still
They only have sympathy for them and sometimes not even that.
When you will see sanjay chacha’s mother so beautifully cooking for his sons each morning with whatever dry cereals she have , it will surely make your eyes wet . When you will see his father coming after months from working as gatekeeper in nearby city for greeting their sons deepawali and having nothing for their children other then tight tearful hug. And when you see your parents and uncle  coming on swift and scorpio on you surely believe the 3 worlds I am talking about.

Why we always fail to convert our words , thoughts to reality

 I guess there are around thousands of blogs , millions of books , articles , media being written on so many social , economical , educational , ethical issues and so are the billions of readers going through all these write ups. Why we fail to realize the significance of "be in the moment" and just remain in those beautiful , inspiring peace of write ups  only till writing or reading it. It’s the case with everyone ( most of the people I mean) everywhere , everytime. Suddenly we take anna hazare to the peak in the next moment world cup comes and dhoni regains the peak then again we all sympathies with hundreds dying in bomb blast and then again get busy with our favorite movies then again raise our voice against corruption and  then trying to aquire inspiration from late Steve jobs and  so on flowing tirelessly with  this winds of news.

I was watching star news last Sunday when I came across a really violent and agitated  man shouting like a true patriotic leader and raising his voice against corruption and supporting anna hazare and baba ramdev infact it was a crowd of hundreds of people. But then that night there was also India -England match and many among became busy in celebrating India's win after a long run .

We  all know that words have got great power but let this power be with few and rest try proving the words correct or speak after work is done  else when everyone starts speaking it only creates the noise.

Reason what I understand from my limited i.q.  Is that words when are only superficially invoked is the cause of temporary excitement  , inspiration , patriotism. Unless we are not able to associate our self with the problem we cant ever solve it physically and yes verbally we all can do it like I am currently..( as many can perceive in the same way after reading this.)  

Irony of the situation demands strong change , a strong physical change accompanied by powerful words . Well taking our country for now only in account in fact  taking my state only , it demands change powered with hope to millions still waiting to live again and march ahead in their life ever since it came to halt , (for many it was since birth.) Well in recent days I have came across so many bright people ,students  their blogs ,  and many even have already indulged themselves to see the change.

Why cant we then. Lets think something and try and implement it with all our hearts , whatever we can do , whatever we can give , whatever new we can invent , produce with  all hearts our into physical reality.  god has always given some people more and expect from them to even it out before they come out of this world. And we are those few people , so lets find , search , invent , discover , give , help , and see the change because may be next time we shall be other end.

Would like to end with  this popular quote

Someone has rightly said "be the change you wish to see the change"

when we raised above caste, religion came , when we raised above religion our state came……

the purpose of writing is not to arise any kind of statism nor any other kind of discrimination but to accept the fact it really exists and how long we " self proclaimed educated, patriotic , well mannered cultured people" continue doing this.
i recently came across the write up  by famous critically acclaimed directors of our time Prakash jha   " Bihar is to India what  India is to West". and it truly inspired me to raise my voice adding my personal , friends , college experience to it.
i am from patna , bihar.   and i wont add india to my address as 1st i seek that our state gets it worth.  its neither statism nor any kind of discrimination because i know i am an indian first. but what its worth when wherever (outside state) you go they ask for your state and mostly it leaves a very negative impression and  we are not remembered for our name but for being tagged "bihari"  ( ofcourse leavin aside excpetional talents)
we want our india to grow develop and prosper how can it be when you leave one state that is  a mass of 9 crore people certainly its not possible.
last year i had been to kochi and there i committed mistake of getting posed for the pic at about 11:30 pm on main road . we were 3 friends from bihar. as we know rules are so strict in kochi , street police had to interfere in between and he at once guessed that we are from bihar only . as they had already set their negative notions to bihari people.  yes we did mistake but i ask what those 9 crores minus 3 people do that you are blaming such large community as large as many European countries in terms of population.  not this alone  , many times you get to hear people making mocks of bihari people. these people even being troubled for getting into professional newtworks .i ask how dare they call themselves educated if they could this so cheap discrimination.

you take the case of bihari people being harassed in Maharashtra , it was surely utter nonsense. how can we blame such a large community on the basis of some wrong people belonging from there. criminals are everywhere and criminals are not a state they are individual . bihar produce far more goods then few bads. yes we agree some of these guys have done such that state name is ought to go  down. and many of the times bihari people are caught victim atleast till recent past.yes we had been suffering for long due 15 years reign of awry government. yes bihar is one of the poorest and most illeterate and till few years before hub for crime activites.. but that doesnt mean bihari people are to be left at themselves. "Bihari" doesnt mean negative in any sense.we all need help to prosper. . you can never prosper as a whole if your one leg is always pulled in opposite direction. same is with our country. but we call ourselves literate ,educated once. so lets prove our education and its worth. lets charge against the wrong one wrong people . lets change ourselves lets change bihar lets change india as  now a lot has changed with the arrival of nitish kumar. he is really doing some damn good works.

lets change our ill-thoughts , narrow mindedness and respect everyone as an individual not by his state, caste and religion,lets come to bihar undrstand its problem and try resolving it. We as india have a long way to go ,long way to excel , long way to  show to the world india is at par with you all . and this can be done when we treat each of our people on  the same ground . that is good or bad , positive and negative and so on. Amen

(you have got to find what you love-part 2)

On the verge of crossing 2nd decade and yet earned just one thing that’s to say in a pretty confident manner  that  "I still don’t know me , I still don’t know what I love , I still don’t know  what I want to die for and sadly for me if I don’t know these I don’t know anything".

I know for some these questions are meaningless but for me it always has acted as pinching or stimulating agent.  Of course   indulgence into these self-questions are not too often but when they are , they really are so intriguing and simultaneously   beginning to recapitulate  all my past experience to even more  intensify the answer of these questions in favor of negation.

Inspired by the "15 minutes speech of Sir  Steve Jobs at Stanford university "  deepened my quest to answer  these questions.

Well especially  in last one year or so when I have come out of the micro  closed shell ( of mum dad bro sis few friends iit , cricket , srk films) at least  physically I have come to know lots of characteristics of mine but the sad part was they always existed in pair  so  I never being able to conclude what I am because pendulum always swings to and fro.  I have discovered that I am one of the strong proofs at physical level to great Heisenberg's uncertainty principle . Laden with vast amount of scalar aptitude , skills , energy .

          comparing to what I was 2 years ago will completely deny all these conclusions of mine. So either I was not true to my heart 2 years ago or I have changed drastically. And now  presenting  first positive aspect of this post makes me so excited . If I was not true to my heart 2 years  ago then atleast  now I am not the same and if I have changed drastically then there is still a scope for me to take a leap into other change as well and this time for  acquiring vector aptitude skills and energy.  Because zero energy and scattered  vast amount of energy makes no difference. And with all these am on the way to search what I love what I wanna die for to know what I really am.    As steve job has aptly said "don’t settle down unless you find what is your love"..