Well on 26th May 2010 , i thought it was all over........My all 2 yrs hard work, passion, all got dissolved in 4 digit number 6339... well it really feels like crying perhaps making me to think "did i really deserve only this much"..
The problem was not with the the 4 digit number which i got in jee but with the false impression somewhere inside me which always made me to believe that i was much beyond this...
Well losing is never a problem but to think that even for a second that u can win and still u lose is like preferring the other side of life......i don't know who for last 2 years continuously made me to believe that u r here to win, making all of my parents ,relatives ,teachers,friends to expect that I m gonna reach there....well not even my dreams i thought this.....Well as far as i am concerned i might manage this , but who will tell my parents, who will heal the pain of my mom and dad...my father always had proud on me..who will heal that.. is what not letting me to settle yet.....i love you mumma and papa....i never wanted this to happen.. i did all i could...but sometimes this secondary element comes and destroys all your plan....
The second one came soon when i got to know that i wont be able give jee again also when i knew my direction is changing....well these shocks are really making me shock proof...hope i cry so much that my tears got dried for always....
Well to be really frank soon after my result i was able to convince myself "ALL IZZZ WELL" and by the time i entered NIT CALICUT i had become again bindaas and am still a cool dude.. But sometimes of not getting to iits pinches me espacially when i remember that how hard work i had done for last 2 years.. it really pains like anything.. i never expected to get beyond 500 rank .And finally when i ended up getting 6339 broken me..STILL thanx god for making me forget all those things soon..
But now whenever i become disappointed remembering all those is not because it hurts me but because it clashes my ego..I feel how can I (ASHISH KUMAR PATHAK) who has set his standard so high cant study in the best college of India....which again proves EGO the most dangerous evil....
So here am i to lessen my ego..fear of failure.... .Well finally i can say that yes getting a double shock made me to learn such two most important things of life..Well when you are able to become aware of this ,it doesn't really matter you fail or succeed because you never fail....Its still early days, and i have to learn a lot ...
The final aim of every individual is to be happy ,cheerful and always smiling and i think i m tending towards the "big permanent smileeee"
best of luk
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