my hope.....

dreams in eyes grew bigger
eyes started shining brighter

darkness had to take a hide
wings spread apart to take me for a higher ride

finally I was flying in the sky
even the thousand failure began to feel  shy

just when i was ready to get into the rocket
suddenly my searching hands found a long written pages in my pocket

which said
" no matter how many times you have to try
no matter however many  dont care to look into your story before judging you


but to myself i remain a simple lad trying to improve his shortcomings
sometimes missed and sometimes it works for the better
 i still have that one or two friend who knows me for my journey and not for my destination
i still have not lost the faith in "hope " which is indeed the best thing i have known lately."

and finally crowds had to give a standing avation
for my story reaches the last word of its narration.

and yes its all what my small eyes can envision and still dreams
but one thing which i already have attained is
i am currently in relationship with "hope"
 

and i am walking again

Dreams taking a hide in dark shelter

Work enjoying a few extra hours of sleep

Courage still waiting to reload itself

Patience has yet to prove

Well they all seem to be infected by one virus

More communicable then any endemic

More fatal then any disease

Swung my head , few extra deep breath

And the lines I had conceived last month

"in most cases it’s the laziness stopping us do the most marvelous work which we confuse with the risks"

Suddenly after hiccups and belching  came out

Yes I was("only was") also  infected by laziness. 

yes i am walking again.

questioning mind

influenced so much by the relativity ,mind always try to justify every situation and sometimes with very strange logics. even the acts of kindness which seems to instil me with bliss is questioned by mind perhaps sometimes with weirdest of the queries. like  is it really needed to uplift the life of poors  , arent they  used to their living for so many years , do the underprivileged(according to our definitions) really need to be like ours , will I really wish to do for them or is it for myself.

Empathy is nice but there are more then the half whose life is run by violence , epitome of egoism , arrogance irrational thoughts infact they are far more then the "defined goods" around me. And I have found out it’s the case again with more then the half who give some amount of time on analyzing these things.

And still these type of people are able to complete their average life span.wise people say they are ignorant and their soul is always sad and tensed but they claim to be confident and cool.

I know these questions are very strange but I am beginning to realize what I really want to do with my life and all these questions play a role , I don’t think I will be able to go forward without answering these. Though each day a lot of doubt is being cleared else if I had written it down a year ago even 10 pages wont be enough.
 I am beginning to find what I really love to do and I am beginning to find I want to live with love though I have experience hatred as well but I feel I am not made for it for I am not able to keep myself under hatred feeling .even the biggest of shock seem far momentary in front of my happiness period. Still I want to be doubt free before I put forward my next step or perhaps the next step will itself delete these queries or answer them. 

a thought

I just happened to question my feeling good emotions  and suddenly lessons of introspection peeps into my mind and I questioned my mind hey dude! Why are you so happy. And with possible recollection of my most recent memories I remind myself  neither I got 8.47 sgpa , nor was presented by mr president nor was gifted a new bike nor a kiss from my girlfriend ,  neither I have contributed  in anyway to remove corruption , poverty from society nor came out of a 1hr deep meditation. Perhaps I am simply blank with  no reasons and yet happy , feeling so much of love within .

And then I thought now time has come to reason out the difference between present state and when I am in some other state. Now I need to drive my subconscious with my consciousness . I have to think , I have to tell my mind if I  need no reasons to feel the bliss then why not continue being reasonless atleast try it consciously .

 Seriously and I am sure many of would have sometime felt like this and may be not because you forgot to take notice of it. Lets strengthen our consciousness to recognize when we are in positive state , reason it out , continue with it. Because this state of bliss is motivating me to accomplish all those reasons to amplify the present state. The reason to get 8.47sgpa , a kiss from her , make a ngo , contribute to society development , indulge myself in deeper  meditation , and let love which I am feeling within to wander outside and share with the world. And when it happens it’s the simplest logic ever and when don’t it remains a mystery forever.

a sight

 long grass with converging tip giving some

Space to brownish mud peeping here and there

Just when my sight could reach reddening sky

The field had already affirmed my beliefs

The bigger we become to the outside world

Narrower we become within ourselves

Our thoughts instead of accepting more diversity

Starts converging to our false pride

And the gleam in the eyes of the pride

Perhaps makes everything else secondary

But still often the filthy brownish mud

Tries to clean our vision but only to get  rejected.

To get rid of crime(rape)--What a common man can do

I was just wondering if the increasing strength of our defense system has really helped in controlling the number of deaths and various destructions and wars. I am ofcourse far from the actual facts and figures.

And so the 80000 police force in nation capital . They might be doing their work and might have solved several cases and might even have saved few crimes from happening. But still murders, robbery , rapes , gang rapes happen provoking the common people  to react , shout at the system .

                            But they forgot that loss has already happened . And in days to come they themselves will return to normal life till the next crime(for it to come under highlight , this one really has to be a lot severe and must happen with urban man or woman) happens. And in this I have more then 100% faith. For rapes , killing has been happening for more then a century . And also the frequency of those crime has only been increasing irrespective of government in charge , number of police force and our defense system .

                                 And the fact remains that we can never really eliminate from our society. What we can wish for is the decreased frequency of crime. And for this we have to start from the ourselves  We can learn from those nations which has decent history considering crime.

                 And regarding rape it starts from individual , from individual's mind. I am stil sure the rape case recently occurring in delhi surely would not be conscious  pre-planned. But their (rapists) subconscious must have informations enough to validate this crime. And this subconscious is what which stores our history. The family , the friends circle , the way we have been brought up. And hence the care should be taken there. How often we ourselves would have teased or atleast felt tempted to do so to girls in public place . The reason being we (most of us )live in society   where girls remain  alien to us or e never been told to see girl for then just a mere body.

From our very own family sons are always given a lot more attention then girl child. Increasing cases of foeticides itself reveals that girl child our always looked with shameful eyes. And when the same girl grows up and is raped, same mother cries because she is not able show his face to society. her father would perhaps never talk to her. Society will never accept her. Instead of empathy they can show all they care is to protect self made brittle pseudo respect in the society.

                  and I think the very basic architecture of this has to be changed. Lets start from the equality. We condemn Wests for its multiple affairs , divorce and at them same time happily accept the rape cases here . We reserve special seats for ladies in bus , train , colleges. Our very basic government structure and as well as family structure encourages these crime by representing girl ha a weak symbol. And when rape happens we grimace our face in such a way as if something so miraculously bad has happened. 

    Lets start with primary education. Lets the coming generation know that girl is no less then a boy. Let them see  the beauty of simultaneous  prospering of both the gender in even climate and respect each other. Lets give space for love , shifting our anger , pride , self. And it will take time but result will be what we all want.                              

just few.....

       few stones waiting to be hurled down to other side of lake
       few drops waiting to be dropped down
      few words waiting to be slipped of my tongue
      few thoughts waiting to escape my mind
     few ideas waiting to  fly in the sky
     few emotions waiting to be exploded, expressed ,said and rejoiced


   

Rabbits and We.............

walking down the long quite pavement
redness across the sky possibly started to bid farewell to sun
with no watch tied across the wrist
perhaps this was the best time to guess the known


taking a few steps further on the grass, those two
rabbits struck right at the centre of my pupil perhaps look
 like carrying inherent traits from white angels from my dreams
but something else  something more then colour was there

jumping and hurling tiny splashes of water on each other
sounding as if dog is singing without those two front teeth
which was soon to become a song singing for funeral
when a arrow waiting to be pulled down for long

struck right into beautiful eyes
and the other had one no choice other then to escape
i zoomed my camera to find its heart beating increased manifolds
but still hours later it came , only to  find his friend resting in peace

to us , its expression were still unread , ununderstood
and hence we named them feeling less
just because our emotion didnt resonate with theirs
we kill them , we eat them , we rape , we steal , we hate , we discriminate


                           being symmetric was always the nature's preference
                           and now we try to see it with fogged specs
                           the screen is now filled with only me
                           with hardly any space for love , bliss , respect.

And I missed to give a call

Kept beside the  window was a filthy and dusted diary

storm had the pages waving

But  with the advent of heavy rain

Wind had to quickly take a reside in some new place

Till then the waving pages had taken a pause

But wind had already marked its second influence

The complete 2nd paragraph on that page

Was embellish by the fallen water paint

And finally what looked to be planned afterwards happened

My pair of eyes flew to those multicolored  lines

Only to find vary familiar handwriting

Written in bold red  "call 9787336583" dated "12\12\2009"

If I could remember it was the last day of school

If I could remember it was given to me by that someone

Whom I had been looking into , for atleast 5 years

Guess what IIT always works as climax in everyone's story

Physics , chemistry , math books were  piled up next  , diary at the bottom

Could never open  the diary and never add a word more

Until the storm came until the rain came until the water paint fell on it

 until it became dusted until it became filthy  until now

And I missed to give a call on that and in

A month I found I missed the IIT too (though approximately )

And now I wonder how did she reach to my diary

When  I had only asked for filling the slam book

And now I realize what I had missed what could already have been mine

years old dream suddenly blommed from grave
only to realize grave is still a better place
and left me with a fanitest echo of extremist optimism
"Thank god water paint didnt fell on the next few lines
"Thank god I didn’t go throw the next few lines "
What If it had ".............….. you"

She....still happens....

       

       she danced , she sang and she was loved
       she blossomed , she shone like a pearl
       just when she thought
       to take the control of her decison
       she knew all her past had been planned
       only to let herself  become a better bride

      but after the "better" everything became like dust of eyes
      she was now far from her past
      sitting once in the balcony she thought
      only to discover the futility of her passions
      dreams were when condensed to pain
      was still alien to her
     
      she became a mother
      she thought to rediscover her dream
      in the eyes of her daughter
      she worked , she sweat , she endured
      hoping her god has got some godliness left
     
      years later she had the 2nd discovery of her life
      she had been only the housekeeper
      stubbornness of mind  again had the victory over innocence of heart
      she cried she begged she prayed
      only to find the futility of her love and motherhood
   
      her daughter taking the legacy
      only to complete the another circle
      and she in the heaven
      only if some godliness is left in him.